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There is a very specific person that came to mind when you read that title. I want to encourage you to think about them. No matter how painful, no matter how much it hurts that you aren't together. Think about them and try to eliminate your anger. Try to take the bitter taste out of your mouth that has been lingering for quite some time...
If you felt a connection this deep, you probably felt your bare soul. You let your emotions be raw and your body be naked. You let another person's soul consume yours until it was almost impossible to differentiate between emotions. Which was yours? Which was his? Why is everything he feels so deeply connected to you it's as if your heart is in his chest. Or even in his hands. He has a control over you that cannot be explained.
You have experienced something rare. You experienced something not all humans are lucky enough to endure.
It was wild, crazy, and intense and it was real. Lac of love was never the issue. If anything you loved each other SO MUCH it literally drove you both mad.
When it was good...it was GOOD. No, amazing. It seemed too good to be true. And that is exactly what it was because when it was bad, it felt like your world was crashing down. Nothing made sense. Every inch of your body hurt and ached in places you didn't know was possible. Your anxiety was crippling. How could you keep going? How could you even function?
You couldn't. He couldn't. Your souls were connected and the pain he caused you, ended up hurting him more. The pain you caused him, bounced right back and tore you into pieces. How could you do this to each other?
You LOVED each other. You would die for each other (so your heart told you). When fighting, you would hit such a low you felt numb. And when you felt this, all it took was for him to give you a look of realization that he had hurt you. The look of a genuine "I am so sorry". The "please stop crying" look. He is beside himself. He cannot believe the things he said and now he is hurting too.
He grabs you. Gently, but firmly. He whispers your name and holds you tight. You weep. YOUR SOUL WEEPS. Your soul feels like it is drowning and he is bringing you up for air. He hurt you, but he can fix you—right?
He didn't mean it. He was upset.
Everything will be ok—except for your soul.
He took part of it when he called you that name. He took part of it when he made you cry so hard, you collapsed onto the floor.
But he also set your soul on fire. He always knew what to do, how to handle you from the first time you met. It was a strange phenomenon.
How does someone finally understand me? Understand my emotions?
How does he know the exact way to look at me to make my heart flutter?
How does he know the exact way to touch me, to make my legs warm?
How does he know the exact way to make me feel like I am one in a million?
There is NO explanation. The only thing I knew was whatever I felt for him, was something I never had felt before—and never would feel again.
It didn't matter how hard you two would try to stay away from each other. The universe had different plans. There was a gravitational pull stronger than your will power.
Every time, you would go back.
4 AM, he would call. You left your phone on loud on purpose because you just KNEW he would call. But how did you know? You hadn't spoken in three weeks...
Something deep in your heart told you to keep your phone on loud that specific night. You tossed and turned not able to sleep. Anxious for the call because your soul was screaming out to his.
He called. You were relieved.
And the cycle started again.
Complete and utter bliss. Love. But the cycle kept getting shorter and shorter. First time it took eight months for things to fall apart. Then three months. Then two weeks. Now it is only days until your love explodes into hate.
Your soul doesn't seem to be healing the same as it used to. It’s damaged.
It isn't supposed to be this way. How can you love so deep but feel an equal amount of resentment. You don't look at him the same way anymore. That light in his eyes when he looked at you...it's gone. You aren't his princess, you aren't his girl. You're a roadblock on his path to success. You aren't the love of his life anymore, you are a hindrance. You hold him back.
A destructive love is a powerful one. It takes everything out of you and leaves you full of questions.
How do you fight fate? How do you tell your soul "NO?" You know each other’s every move. Every thought. You could be nowhere near each other and still know what the other’s heart is feeling in that moment.
You see each other after months and you feel your chest caving in. You want him to hold you. Embrace you like he used to. But you can’t. You promised your heart you were done.
But there goes that pull. The god damn energy between the two of you is making you shake.
I don’t know how to stay away from you but I need to try. We need to try. I know you love me, but PLEASE—if you love me. Leave me.
“If we were meant to be, we would have been by now.”
Our souls will always be connected. I will never forget you. I’ll always miss you like the moon misses the sun. You taught me everything there is to know about love. Thank you.
Remember this person. Remember the good. Thank the universe for allowing you to feel such a grand love.
But for your own sanity...let him go. He deserves so much more.
And so do you.