The Truth About Cheating

Today, we're going to be talking about what happens when someone cheats on you. But regardless of whether or not you've been cheated on, this will help you move forward after a breakup in a healthier way.

There are so many layers to cheating. There's the actual act of cheating itself, and then there is everything around that act. The covering up (if there was a cover-up), the finding out, the aftermath of that finding out, and after you experience the shock of finding out, there are many waves of emotions you may go through.

At first, cheating can feel like a punch to the stomach. It's hard to even catch your breath. If you've been cheated on, you can probably relate to the rush of adrenaline that kicks in when you find out. Your heart races, your palms get sweaty, you can't seem to calm down, and then there's everything after, which can be a series of many heartbreaks as you find out more information and begin to make sense of the fact that this has really happened and it's not all a bad dream.

At the very root of the matter, cheating feels like a betrayal, and there is nothing more hurtful than feeling betrayed by the one person you loved and trusted more than anyone else. Because of that, cheating feels so personal, and it's complicated by the fact that it involves another person who is someone you may know or even a complete stranger.

The one really important thing about cheating that I want you to know right now is this; cheating is not personal. It's not about you. Now, I know that's probably the most annoying thing you could hear right now and I get it. How could you not take it personally? How is this not personal to you? It's the most personal thing. So, I'll start by clarifying what I'm not saying, I'm not saying don't get upset. I'm not saying don't be emotional or don’t get mad. You have every right to feel everything that you’re feeling. What I mean by "don't take it personally" is that the fact that someone cheated on you has absolutely nothing to do with you. You didn't do anything wrong.

The most powerful tool you have to move forward right now is your line of thought and how you think about the situation. The one thing I wouldn't want you to do is to move forward with any little thought in your mind that what you did or didn't do, how you looked or didn't look, anything related to you, had anything to do with this person cheating on you.

I know it's tempting to try to decipher and figure out why they cheated in the first place. Maybe you're asking yourself "What was it about this other person?" "Was I not good enough?" "Was I not interesting enough?" "Was I just not enough?" Did they not love you? The list goes on. However, the truth is, when someone cheats, it has nothing to do with you. In fact, a lot of people who cheat, don't even know why they cheated in the first place, they can't even explain it themselves.

So when you catch yourself trying to figure out the reason they cheated, I want you to take a deep breath and remind yourself, "The fact that they cheated on me, has nothing to do with me. It's not about me." You were enough before you met this person, you were enough when you were with this person, and you are enough now.

You will always be enough.