Things You Shouldn't Say to an Interracial Couple

I am white, and my fiance is black.

This shouldn't be a problem, however, it does seem to cause an issue with a lot of people. Or, rather, it seems to cause a lot of problems for the two of us — simply because people seem to be blissfully unaware that there are things you shouldn't say to an interracial couple.

One thing you'd never guess is how often the two of us wonder whether etiquette is dead, simply because people can't keep their mouths shut. We've heard comments from friends, family members, and more. It's appalling.

If you meet an interracial couple, please don't say any of the following things to them.

"THIS is your lover? Well, he didn't look like I thought he would..."

For the life of me, I don't understand why this is deemed acceptable by so many people. It's not cool to tell people, in that way, that your partner wasn't "up to expectation." Perhaps you shouldn't expect anything, aside from a loving spouse? Just a thought.

To make matters worse, some folks actually think it's okay to say this IN FRONT OF THE PARTNER. Yeah, no. Not cool.

"Yeah, she's nice, but why couldn't you date a nice [insert race here] girl instead?"

It's because love has nothing to do with race, but compatibility. If two people click, they click. It doesn't matter what skin color they have, because at the end of the day, skin color won't be what determines how well you can get along with them after a rough night.

So, rather than worry about race, how bout you see if they're happy or not? That would probably be more important.

"But don't you want your kids to look like you?"

If someone wants kids to be a mini-me, they can probably go to a cloning facility. Or, you know, adopt someone who would look like them. Just saying, this is an incredibly racist thing to say — and also insinuates the person is shallow.

This is also pretty insulting to childfree people, so it's a double whammy of cringe.

"How do your parents feel about you dating an [insert race here] man?"

Oh, I'm sorry! We didn't know that you were going to need to learn the intimate details of our lives! Thanks for your really thinly veiled comments about what you think about us as a couple.

Just don't ask about approval, because it will be taken that way. Besides, it's an incredibly offensive and invasive question that you should never ask anyone.

"Are the things they say about [race]'s genitalia true?"

This is only acceptable if you are getting totally wasted with your bestie, who may have been curious about getting into an interracial relationship themselves — and only if the rumors are positive. If not, don't put an interracial couple on the spotlight like that.

I mean, really, how would you feel about people discussing your private parts with friends?

"Is this some kind of rebellion phase?"

Yes, people think this is acceptable — or people just don't care. Yes, I've personally heard it. No, it's not a phase. Yes, the person who asked had a drink thrown in his face.

"[Anything suggesting that someone is a 'slut' for not dating within their race]."

There are so many variations I've heard on this that I basically had to put all of the comments under an umbrella. You would be surprised how many people think that slut-shaming is a great way to get someone to feel bad and "date the appropriate race."

Seriously, this is racist and sexist — and it says way more about the people who say that stuff than it does about the person who they say it to. No matter how you look at it, it's ugly behavior and a good indicator that you don't want them in your crowd.

"[Insert insinuation about racial fetishes here.]"

This is totally dehumanizing, and totally inappropriate. Think of how you'd feel if someone remarked on a potential fetish due to a large body part your spouse had — and you'll get a good idea of how this feels.

Even if the interracial couple does have a kinky side, there are certain things that cross the line. Hearing remarks about "jungle fever" or "yellow fever" is a good way to make sure that the couple in question will not want to talk to you again.

"Once you go black, you never go back."

Not true. Once again, race has nothing to do with the connection that two people have. Why is this such a hard thing for people to understand?!

"Aren't you worried about [insert racial stereotype]?"

Trust me when I say they're more worried about encountering racist remarks and people who try to judge them than they're worried about outdated, over-generalized stereotypes that are rarely true.

Once again, it shows a lot more about the person asking the question than it does the couple. It's sad how often people will say this, completely convinced that it's not a racist thing to say.

"Is he paying you? You're probably only with him for the money. "

Don't ask me why, but a lot of people seem to think that interracial relationships involve some kind of weird "sugar daddy" lifestyle. Some even assume that it's due to a fetishization issue one partner might have.

This is not cool, and it's incredibly untrue. If you think this is okay to say to anyone, you need to re-evaluate your life.