Carlene Mengler
Bio
Expressing myself to the world in ways of words.
Stories (2/0)
The Unknown
We all come to that place in our lives where we've hit a wall. A place of insecurities, questions, confusion, decisions, and the opinions of the world. When we feel lost and confused on what to do and where to go when we become discouraged and depressed, not knowing what will come next. The next step seems like a mountain climb away. Whether it's that we can't make up our minds or doors just aren't opening like we had thought. For me, it's a little bit of both. At times I think that maybe I'm expecting way too much from life, and I'm not putting in enough to get the results I want. I also feel like I'm working my ass off for almost nothing. I'm considering moving away and starting fresh somewhere new. A place where I only know two people. A place where I get to learn everything it's about. I can get to know the people, places, and culture that surrounds my new home. I'm at that place where I need new insight and perspective. I need a breath of fresh yet unfamiliar air. Air that hasn't hit my face yet. Maybe it will hit home. I might feel something I have never felt before. It could be the realization that this is what I needed, a new beginning. It could hit me that this wasn't for me, that my calling is back in the old, but I just needed a break from the regularity that I've grown bored of. I won't know until I change something. Change can be scary, but they always say, if something scares you and excites you at the same time, do it! What could go wrong? I could realize it wasn't the right decision, but I had fun in the process. I don't think the change has to be for a specific reason. I believe if I feel I will enjoy a change in my life that could benefit me why wouldn't I jump on the opportunity. I am at the point in my life that I need to set goals for my future, and for me, the two things that I want in my life are God and happiness. Can I achieve those by leaving where I am right now, absolutely. This isn't saying I'm not happy where I am now, because I am. I just feel that there is more somewhere else for me. There is a door somewhere I haven't gone, and I won't be able to find it if I don't go. In life were supposed to take risks, and risks that can be for our gain. I truly believe this change could be a huge gain for my life. In ways of finance, faith, and finding. I need to find a part of myself that is in the motion. The motion of growth. I feel stuck here not because of being unable to determine what I want to do, but because I feel routine. I understand I can change what I do here and now but it's different. I need something else that I don't know how to put into words. I almost need to be away from the people that I know. Not because of anything they have done but because of the familiarity. I'm tired of being familiar with my surroundings. Where I am right now, I am beyond comfortable and familiar with everything that encompasses my life. I want to feel uncomfortable and unfamiliar. Can I find that here? Sure. Even so, I will be close to what I know to be comfortable and the urge to go back will begin to grow. I need to be away from what I am so attached to. If it's not an easy fix to go back to my contentment I will have to learn to grow from the risk, unsteadiness, and unfamiliarity of my new life. I will pray and pray till all my words are gone about this, trust me. As of right now, I feel the need to change in order to grow.
By Carlene Mengler5 years ago in Motivation
You
You. There was something about you from the moment I met you. Something different that I could never put into words, and I still can't to this day. It took me awhile to even speak a word to you. I shied away from who you were and who you were around. I knew the people you knew and they were nothing like me. I knew I could never fit into your form of a friendship. Out of nowhere we were speaking to each other and something just clicked. We were a couple years apart, but it was as if we knew each other from the start. How could someone like me connect with someone like you? Our connection grew and grew. I didn't want to assume anything so I never did and I never asked the right questions. I began to realize that someone else before me already had you. There was someone behind your walls you never seemed to mention. To you, it was a mere coincidence that they never came up. To me, it was more than purposeful. I became more and more aware of your other side, and I knew I had to say something, but I couldn't. You had me trapped to where my thoughts of freedom couldn't be expressed. I thought you were someone else, but I couldn't convince myself to leave you. I forced myself to let go and stop my own pain. It had been a few months, and I was starting to realize the good in me leaving, but then something happened. Suddenly, the someone else was gone and you were alone again. You reached out to me in desperation. I gave in. No hesitation to me running back to what I knew would only be pain. How could I be so stupid? I left once, so how hard can it be to do it again. Harder than I had ever thought. You had taken hold of me again in a way that was stronger than before. I knew I was your only one now, so how could that be so bad? Then you came and took something from me that no one else had. You reached for it, but I didn't retreat. I will never be able to get it back, and to you, it was just another tally to your board. How could I be a part of his collection? I look back and wish I could have taken what was mine and ran. Ran from who you were, and what you had done to me. You could't see what was wrong with what you did. I couldn't even explain it to you in a way that would make you feel sorry. The thing is, from the start, you never realized what you were doing to me. It was my fault for believing the lies I told myself about you. You only kept the truth from me once. Everything else was right in front of my face, I just refused to look. In my mind you were someone else. You were special and you would never intentionally hurt me. I will never forgot you because you have what I wish I could take back. You have me. A part of me that shouldn't be yours.
By Carlene Mengler5 years ago in Humans