Renee Roman

Being in Love with Someone Who Isn’t in Love with You

What is love technically? It is versatile and could be defined in many ways and can take on many forms. It is defined in the Merriam-Webster dictionary as “a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person/attraction that includes sexual desire.” They were not kidding when they meant constant affection for a person. Constant meaning I cannot get this man out of my head...even though we are no longer together anymore. I wish someone made a dictionary or guide line book to help me fall out of love with someone because it would sure come in handy right now. Being in love with someone who is not in love with you/no longer in love with you is probably one of the most soul crushing events in life. More soul crushing than getting pants in front of the whole middle school type of event. Bad, I know...So the question is when do I stop trying for someone who has stopped trying for me? When will the time come that I won’t bother to message your phone, stalk your social media pages, and call you so we can see each other? When is the time right for me to let go of the memories we once created and are even creating now? Like the way you held me when I was feeling the most broken two years ago and you made me feel as if I wasn’t broken anymore. Like the way we made love last night and created even more memories that will flash throughout my mind in the most inconvenient of times. When it is time for me to come first? The time where I am the one saying goodbye to you and that I can no longer continue to torture myself with your love. I long for the day that I do not have to beg to be loved by someone, to beg for someone’s time and affection. That day will come soon, when I build up the courage to say “enough is enough” because I know my worth and it’s worth more than this. I do not deserve to be half loved, when he knows damn well I always put one hundred and ten percent into loving him. The day will come where I am the one moving on and he will be begging for my love...and I won’t give it to him because I’ve always deserved more than that.